alastria: My Green Lantern Hello Kitty - Best of 2 Worlds (Default)
[personal profile] alastria
My last year was a bit of a nightmare. I'm getting to the point, though, I don't remember it as much. I kind of pride myself on that - I don't hold onto the bad things as much as some people would, or at least I block them out. They may haunt me from time to time, or they'll come back at odd times, but most of the time, I've blocked them out well.

This past year, my husband and my best friend fell in love with each other. I let it happen right in front of me, and let it happen in my house, in my bed...and I tried not to let it bother me, but it did, and it hurt so bad, and I was saddened by it so much, but I felt helpless all the same. What does a person do, when the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with suddenly realizes he loves someone else more than you, and then, while saying he still loves you and wants to keep you and take care of you, too, he also wants this other woman in his life, to take care of, and to love? It's not normal...and everyone around me told me it wasn't. And I wasn't "blind" to it or anything, I just let it happen.

I always told myself "You are only going to do this ONCE, so make sure you find yourself someone you know you will be happy with, comfortable with, and can enjoy life with." And I thought I had. I enjoyed my life with my husband. It wasn't the best, but it wasn't bad, either. We were great friends, we could talk about so much and could have fun. I could do this for the rest of my life. But we always knew that "spark" wasn't there.

I remember telling myself, the thing I wanted most in my life was "True Love". Sure, I hadn't found that. I thought, maybe I had it once, some years back, but I'd lost it? I had love, of a kind, but it wasn't THAT special love. Maybe I watch too many movies, but I still believe in it. You see some couples that are just perfect for each other and happy with each other. You know some people, REAL People, have to be finding their other half.

So I went through a bad year, dealing w/ a husband who no longer really loved me, my health was declining with depression & migraines & stress - when I finally broke down and told him I could no longer do this, I wanted out of the marriage. And all of a sudden - the stress & depression lifted and was gone! Miracle of frakkin' miracles!

And a month later, I somehow started back into the dating game after nearly 8 years of being out of it. And I fell head over heels for an amazing man that fit me so much more. My husband and my best friend - they felt they had a connection, a "spark" - which is why I was so loathe to make them break it off. Being such a stickler for true love, who am I to deny it, even if I was the one married to the man and she was also married? She wasn't happy, and I guess neither was he, though I didn't know about it at the time. But everything I'd seen between the two of them - I wanted that SO bad. And I suddenly found it out of the blue.

I now had the affection I craved, the love I yearned for, that magnetism, that laughter & fun, even that sexuality I didn't realize I was missing so much. And nothing else matters - I just want to be happy with this man that I have found. And our first date turned into a sleepover - fast, I know, but even talking to him before the first date, there was...something there - I don't even know what it was, but I knew there would be something amazing.

There's only been one or two bad times, my own and his - he's helped me through mine, and I had to leave him alone through his, but the rest - he's been kind and sweet to me, and hugs me and kisses me when I get home. And holds me at night, and wants to love me forever, and I feel the same for him. And it was fast - I moved in with him very fast, but part of it was because the girlfriend (my best friend) ended up moving in the Monday after my first date, and the new man in my life, after knowing what I'd been through, didn't want me to stay in that environment, and neither did I. But I haven't regretted it, and neither has he.

And I've never had someone be so candid with me about so many things, and someone I can be so open with about so many things. I'm not afraid to be open with him about so much. I couldn't be any luckier, I don't think.

And the funniest thing, I think that tells me that "This was meant to be..." - his family crest is a Unicorn - something I have loved and collected since I was little. Crazy coincidence...:)
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alastria: My Green Lantern Hello Kitty - Best of 2 Worlds (Default)
alastria

June 2011

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